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What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

Last Updated: 28.06.2025 02:47

What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

(And it was in our own minds.)

We were not on the streets..

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

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My family never makes their pension either.

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

When she asked me how she looked .

How good do you sing and how do you know this?

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

I have no regrets .

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You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

On the 31st of Jan this month .

Why do narcissists devour so much sugar (candy, ice cream, donuts, etc., in huge amounts at a time)?

I know ,a lot about trauma.

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

But ive been too sick for many years..

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I couldn’t, believe it.

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

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Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

My life is so biszare .

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

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He knew the spot.

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

Put me off passion for life!!

Since the rise of feminism, the dating market has shifted to the disadvantage of men and that is causing this incel phenomenon. Why do women not understand how lonely the majority of men are?

Would this be the day?

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

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Who then, do I blame.?

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

Why did Lord Shiva lust after Mohini - how can he be the supreme and worthy of devotion if he did such a thing?

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

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He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

They are buried together, in the same grave..

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

The only rule us 5 kids had .

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

What did i know ?

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

Why did i forgive my father ?

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

She was in good health!

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

But it wasn’t much.

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

He resisted the act ,that day.

All the time i was locked up.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

I was seconnd youngest,

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

Im still living with it.

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

But, we were locked up after school.

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

It was going to be , some day.

I think the readers, may guess!

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

I did it because my mum asked me too!

I was 9 years of age.

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

She found it foreign!.

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

Especially a lifetime of it.

My mum and dad in the seventies!

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

And i lived it daily.

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

We all went to grammer schools

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

One cannot live in the past .

I don,t even have a pension.

I had hoped to write a book about this .

She married twice! .

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

Where the ultimate outsiders.

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

And who doesn’t know suffering?

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

I will be 64.

She wouldn,t have been !

Was to survive, this bastard.

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

Im dying but, im not bitter.

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

Ive learnt so much.

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

I said to her

So whats the point in blame.

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

This is how, and why children get BPD.

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

I was scared of men, in general

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

I never cut or harmed myself..

I write beautiful poetry .

This is soul school!.

As i do to all so called friends.?

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

Comes on , in middle age.

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

She loved him until the end.

So, i spoilt her more .

I waited trembling.

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

I was very sick at this time too.

I could never make a relationship work though!

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.